A Public Warning: FF7 Fandom

Alright, I typed up a mess of what I can remember so far. It's all pretty piecemeal, but ya can see all da crazy all over it.

-TRIP OF DOOM-

A long time ago, maybe four years ago or so, somethin like that, I was majorly into Jimmy Eat World. Alix had gotten me more inta it over Christmas Break and such. Meanwhile, I heard peripherally of Jen and Hojo from teh Sosh, who was friends with em and visited them and such. I heard good things, altho weird, so I saw no harm in it. They never tried ta really talk ta me, so I had never really interacted with them at this point. I checked out hojo.org and such, but I didn't really know them personally. Anyway, Funkmeister told me that there was a free Jimmy Eat World concert goin on right near where Jen and Hojo lived, and I thought this was totally awesome. She assured me that Jen and Hojo would be fine with letting us stay fer a bit, so I was all for it. I paid da money, hopped da bus, and headed off.

Anyway, as I rode along and listened ta my tapes at a third of their normal speed due to my walkman's slow death, I resolved that

1. I was gonna, if not like, at least be civil and respectful ta Jen and Hojo, since I was gonna be their guest.
2. Be the best houseguest possible

I was worried cause they didn't know me, and I really wanted ta make a good impression.

So anyway, we got there, and I can't remember my first impression. Most likely cause if it was bad, I woulda totally ignored it cause darn it, I was gonna be a good houseguest during this trip. Either way, I think people got locked out, something. I can't remember.

Anyway, they had ta give me a name or a role or something. Again, they never really contacted me directly, definitely not enough ta really know anythin about me, but they couldn't really associate with me unless I was someone from FFVII. I just realized how bizarre that sounds. Basically, at this point da only two people I really liked from FFVII were Cid and Vincent. There was no way on earth I could ever pass fer a Cid (besides, they already had one I think) so they called me Vincent. I was okay with that, again, I wanted ta be a good houseguest so I decided ta play along. I was a bit uncomfortable being Vin tho. Mostly cause if I was with...say...people callin themselves Cloud or Tifa, then I wouldn't have an issue. But as anyone who played FFVII knows, Hojo and Vin didn't exactly get along. I got a little disconcerted by da baggage being Vin would carry, but again. I went along with it. Hojo didn't really bug me or anything, unless she was being in character or something.

Da thing is that I think one of da reasons I went along with this as much as I did is that as a kid, I've always WANTED ta believe in stuff like this. Keep in mind, I WANTED to, but I never DID. I always envied kids who had imaginary friends cause I could never do that. I envied kids who saw magic or castles in the sky, cause I would try and try and try but I could never believe it. I never saw that stuff, and I always found it frustrating. I felt like I was either too realistic or too skeptical. So while I was at Jen and Hojo's house, I TRIED to believe in this stuff, just like when I tried ta believe in my old imaginary friends. But just like my old imaginary friends, it never worked.

They had "magic" battles and stuff, which I played along with. I didn't do it cause I said I had no idea how ta do it or something. I think I recall them saying that I had a lot of "magic potential" and that I shouldn't throw it around or something.

I think my general reaction through most of this crazy was "Haha, oookay. Sure."

They had this red cloak that they said was Vin's cloak, and when we went out they asked me ta wear it. I've always had a weakness fer capes (which may have been one of da things they used as evidence fer my Vinness or something, I can't remember) so I went with it. Ta this day, I maintain that was a nice cloak. It was soft and comfy. Da fact I liked it so much was another major Vin-hint ta them or something.

I'm actually kinda glad now that they knew so little about me when they first met me. That way they couldn't really use my past ta affirm my Vin-ness or something. Not that they really could anyway, but still.

Besides, Funkmeister was still there, and as long as she was cool with all this, I was cool with it.

There are so many vague memories I have of everything that happened. I wish I could remember more of it. I remember a trip to the store to get food.

I wanted ta be a good houseguest, like I mentioned before, so I resolved not ta eat much and not ta ask fer anything expensive. I was fully prepared ta eat ramen or something. But they were all excited we were there, so we got these noodles and expensive stuff, and I ended up sinking like twenty dollars. I was okay with that at da time, since again, I was a guest and heck, it was food.

Hahaha, I do remember somehow that talk got ta Sephiroth Clone #Pi. Fer those who don't know, sometime ago I stayed up all night and ate a bunch of candy with Funkmeister, then I got under a big blanket and started babbling nonsensically. I called myself Sephiroth Clone #Pi and generally acted silly. This was a running joke between me and Funkmeister fer a long time.

Apparently Jen thought that Pi was like...a real person or something. She wanted ta talk ta him.

And I was like "Uh...I'm not hyper enough ta act like Pi."

And she was like "No no, Pi lives inside you. Pi is a part of you. If you want Pi to come forward and take control, let him."

And I was like "...no seriously, Pi is just me hyper."

But she insisted that she wanted ta talk ta Pi, and she reverted ta some "childlike" self of hers or something who wanted ta talk ta Pi.

I was on the spot, and again, I wanted ta be a good guest. What would it hurt ta play along a bit? So I got a blanket and acted up the part, but I wasn't hyper enough to really hit Sephiroth Clone #Pi. I haven't been in a long time, now that I think about it. Either way, she was satisfied talking to the pseudo-Pi. I felt unbelievably uncomfortable faking hyperness and Pi-talk.

I know they're very manipulative, but I think at this point I didn't know them well enough for that to really kick in. I think my decision to be a good guest gave them a lot of power over me. But they were very manipulative in ways that are hard to describe.

Anyway, tryin ta remember more details...hmm.

Oh yeah! At this point I was hit with what I called at da time my "sinus infection." This was a thing that had come and gone fer years. It started in high school and always hit around spring. I just found out last year that it was Chronic Bronchitis, and I finally got it treated and it hasn't come back yet, thank you god. It was horrible. I was always coughing and miserable. I think I could breathe clear enough at this point, but I was ALWAYS coughing. Jen said that it was cause I was allergic to magic. I don't remember if I brought up how this happened all the time, but either way I probably wouldn't have said it. If they wanted ta believe that, then sure. No problem with me, really.

I remember this particularly clearly, but we were just coming out of this tunnel, and I was coughing pretty hard. Jen said she'd cast a spell that would help me feel better, or something like that. So she waved her arms and her staff, and I stood there. Again, I really did want ta believe this was real, and I really wanted ta see a difference, like some flashy lights or something.

Nothing. And she turned and was like "There, spell done! Now you won't cough anymore!"

And I was like "Haha, okay. Yeah, I can really feel the difference."

At this point I was getting confused. Was this all just makebelieve fantasy, or was I just such a skeptic that I couldn't see magic when it was happening? As many may guess, the answer is the former, but I was young and stupid back then and wanted to fit in.

Either way, her "magic" couldn't stop my coughin, which continued shortly afterwards. Jen said that "something" was making me cough. Something far away and more powerful then her magic alone was. This made me vaguely worried, cause again I wanted ta believe in this stuff. I now thank that skeptic side of myself that wouldn't buy all this baloney. Thank you Dad, Chris, and Alix.

I mention this cause I think it's part of what led up ta what, ta me, was da defining moment of da whole trip. But I'll get ta that in a second.

Anyway, me and Funkmeister went ta da concert, which was totally frigging awesome in so many ways. So much fun. So great. So muddy. That was da best part. I had white shoes? They were permanently stained by this experience. Anyway. Funkmeister already covered that part of da whole thing, about how Jen did not approve of our muddiness.

I remember us sayin that we had ta leave soon and whatever, and Jen and Hojo always begging and pleading fer us ta stay. They really didn't want us ta go. They were really convincing and heck, I mean, I was havin fun hangin out there. It was weird, sure, but it was fun in a way.

Oh oh, dang. I brought Kitty with me, as usual, and they said something about her. I wish I could remember more clearly...something like she was a really powerful magical focus or item or something. I remember Kitty being a big deal.

Let's see, other random details...

Uh, we stopped at another store. Again, I sank money inta it. Da thing was, they asked fer gifts and things and I felt obligated ta indulge em, cause I was a guest and I WAS staying at their house. I had no idea just how much money they took from me. It happened so subtley mostly, requests fer small things and fer food, and I sank a ton of money inta this whole trip.

But I mentioned that I wanted a new walkman, since mine was broken. I dunno if that's why we went on this trip or not, I can't remember. It was some big department store tho.

I have a tendency ta wander, as my family will attest, and I'm pretty sure I said I'd be back and I was just gonna go look at da walkmans or something. I can't remember.

Anyway, true ta form, I got ta da walkman section and agonized over whether ta get a five dollar walkman with no autotape flip, or a ten dollar one with autotape flip. Then I heard da PA click on.

"Excuse me, will a...Vincent Valentine please report to the front desk?"

I grabbed da five dollar one and darted off at that point towards da desk. Jen I recall said she was worried or something. I vaguely recall some kind of lecture on telling people where I was or something, but not really very clearly. Darn it, this all happened so long ago. I can only remember bits and pieces.

Hahahaha, one of the most bizarre moments I remember was the whole "past life regression" thing.

We were all put in this room and they put on The NIghtmare is Only Beginning, and said that they'd now prove for SURE that we were really video game characters from the past or something.

At this point, I was terrified of being exposed as a fake, considering they'd taken to me being Vin pretty easily. If they found out I was faking, I feared they'd kick me out or something.

So I didn't fall for their hypnosis stuff, but when they asked me who I was, I said I was Vin. Who else could I be?

Anyway, they said I "became" Vin or something, so I tried to act the part or something. I was bad at it though, and the knowledge that this was just a bunch of people playing pretend was always right there in my mind. Hahaha, me and Funkmeister I think ruined the mood when she humped my leg with a stuffed chocobo.

Something else, something else...

Ah, I remember we were on a bus or something...we were riding home at night. I remember me and Funkmeister talking about Jack. Not sure why I recall that so clearly, but whatever.

Anyway, this is also where da "Profethor Gatht" jokes popped up. Basically, me and Soshi would imitate Ifalna and Professor Gast with these ludicrous accents. This amused Jen ta no end.

So there was this guy on da bus who was...listening in on us or something. I can't remember. It made us all nervous. Jen said she was getting off on da next stop, and da guy got off next stop.

I thought this guy was just creepy, but Jen said he was a demon kind of thing out after us. I think this also played inta what would happen later.

Okay, I have to give some background info here. I'm going to be quick about this. I wouldn't normally talk about it, but without this information this will have no real impact. When I was like...fourteen or something I got molested by a friend of our family, who I henceforth referred to as the Bastard because he's the only one I'll ever call that. Anyway, this happened years ago and shouldn't really be a factor, ya might think, but da thing is that I totally denied this happened, to myself and to everyone, fer like...four years. I didn't tell anyone and I tried ta convince myself that it never happened and I made it up. The year before I visited Jen and Hojo, I actually finally did admit to someone that it happened, and therefore, all the pain I had been completely denying up to that point hit me pretty hard.

I was still trying to deal with the whole thing when I was at Jen and Hojo's. Normally, I wouldn't have thought it'd be an issue, considering it happened like...a year ago at this time.

I think tho, that a lot of things kind of kept reminding me of the bastard while I was there. I think the mentions of Vin getting molested by Hojo, that creepy guy in the bus, the whole past-life regression thing, the assertion that "something" was after me and that was why I was coughing, something like that.

There were also tarot card readings and such. Jen had da same tarot deck I had as a kid, the Tarot of the Cat People. And she told me my fortune usin da exact same method outlined in da little booklet that came with da cards. I can't remember anythin really specific about da readings except there was always mentions of somethin comin after me or something, thus da coughing.

I think Jen was just upset that her "spell" didn't stop my coughing and wanted an excuse or something.

I type too much.

So anyway. Me and Funkmeister and Jen and Hojo all shared this one room and we slept on da floor on these futons or something. I dunno. I remember feeling really awkward when they'd like hit or kiss one another. Random note there.

So I was on my back and I started coughing again. I felt bad about doing this at night cause I thought I'd keep people awake, and again, good houseguest syndrome I guess ya could call it.

These were pretty deep coughs, not horribly scratchy or painful necessarily, but deep so that ya could do them over and over again. So I coughed, and coughed, and coughed, and I couldn't stop.

So of course, I start panicking cause I couldn't breathe and subsequently start coughing harder. Everyone wakes up, freaks out. I'm still coughing and I'm trying ta get out "I'm fine hold on gaak gaak" cause I didn't wanna cause any trouble.

Soshi of course knew I was just having some kinda coughing fit and I'd be fine, but Jen and Hojo immediately began screaming that we were under attack or something. Like some dark force had come into the room and was trying to get me, like they said all along. Frankly, I was a bit shaken cause I felt like I had nearly suffocated on my own lungs, so I didn't argue.

What I mostly remember is having Kitty with me here. She'll be important in a sec.

So I'm still trying to breathe and such, Hojo and Jen are wandering all around holding their staffs and looking important and asking me where the malevolent force was. I was currently staring off into nothing, which is something I do a lot. Like...when I'm thinking, or listening to people, or talking, or whatever. It's not something unusual. So I'm staring at the corner of the room. Jen's like "Is that where it is? Is that it? What is it?"

And I was just like "Man, I don't know, I just started coughing and couldn't stop."

I think I remember one of them, probably Hojo, trying to like...pet my hair or hold me at this point or something. I DO recall that Soshi was near me at this point. I don't think I responded to Hojo touching me, mostly cause I don't like being touched by other people. That and I think Soshi warned them off cause she also knows I don't like bein touched.

Anyway, I was holdin onta Kitty pretty fierce at this point cause I was freaked out at my coughing and everyone was flipping out about stuff.

I can't remember exactly, I think Jen or Hojo asked me if there was anyone who ever wished me harm, or who would want revenge on me or something and would be attacking me. I musta mumbled something about maybe it being the bastard or something, I dunno. I know I wouldn't have explained that. I think Soshi gave the ultra-condensed version of what happened ta me, and just like that, Jen and Hojo decided that it was the bastard who had given me this cough and was coming after me now.

Now that I think about it, this all seems so unbelievable. Unreal. I just can't believe this whole thing happened. I mean...the bastard couldn't astral-project his way through a paper bag. He's the opposite of spiritual. And he wouldn't want revenge on me, I mean...nothing ever happened to him for molesting me anyway. He didn't get arrested or anything, he just got kinda warned away from our house but he still comes over anyway. He wouldn't want ta hurt me, he'd just want ta get inta my pants or something.

And of course, why would he wage this attack NOW of all times? It all doesn't make sense. I, however, was totally terrified now at da thought of the bastard (to this day, seeing him or hearing him fills me with a stark terror I can't experience anywhere else) and I was probably hyperventilating or something. I dunno. Jen threw a bunch of salt around in a circle and "cast" some loud spells or something, I dunno. I can't remember.

I think she said that he couldn't get me cause she threw up some evil spirit wards or something, probably said that guy on the bus was "possessed" by the bastard or something, I dunno.

I think when she asked me if I was okay, I held Kitty very tightly and said "As long as Kitty is with me, I'm safe. She'll protect me."

And I got the distinct impression that Jen was disappointed that I didn't believe in her as much as she thought I should, and that I'd trust my stuffed cat over her.

That and, well...hmm. Keep in mind that I'm not very spiritual. I have no real mystical side, like I said, and I've tried ta believe in magic and fairies and such but I never had much success. I do think I really am a skeptic deep down.

But I do believe in my Kitty, and I do believe that she will protect me during bad times. I love my Kitty, and I DO believe in her. If there's no other magical luck talisman or whatever I believe in, if I have no faith in anything else in my whole life, I do believe in Kitty. And I think that my belief and love for her has kind of...given her something. I hesitate to call it anything major or tangible to other people, anything more then my one spiritual connection in life that's really personal and real to me, not ta anyone else. Kinda Velveteen Rabbitish, ya know?

But I think my stuffed cat is far more magical then anything Jen or Hojo ever did.

I think they may have known that.

Either way, we ended up staying there two more days then we should have. They were very insistant that we stay, and it was hard to say no. They were remarkably persistant about it.

After that, I heard very little from either of them. Frankly, I'm relieved they never learned a lot about me or contacted me. That way, I did face the crazy, but it never followed me home, inna way.

Actually, I think one of em, can't remember which, did try ta IM me a few times, but we never really hit it off. Soshi mentioned the whole dislike of chatspeak thing...hahaha, that'd be ironic. Maybe my weird accent saved me on that count.

However, I DO recall once that Soshi was sleepin at some point, and one of em called. They babbled something about Jen's mom the...queen of fairies or something. I can't remember. It was a really bizarre phone call. Haha, I do remember them being disappointed that I answered instead of Funkmeister. Anyway, they tried ta explain it ta me, but I had no idea what they were talkin about. They just told me they needed ta talk ta Funkmeister right away, it was urgent, something abut Jen like...breaking or something. I dunno. I never did find out what happened, but it was probably nuttiness no doubt.

Da other time I was ever contacted by em was when I was back home over da summer. I live off in California, a million miles away from all this crazy, when I got this phonecall. I was deeply baffled by it at da time, cause me and Jen and Hojo had never really exchanged any kind of personal information or anything. I barely ever talked ta em. How did they get my phone number? I still wonder about that.

Anyway, they told me that "Yasha" had gone missing, and they were worried. Of course, I was off in Cali, so I was really helpless in this case. They asked if she had talked ta me, and I said no, and that da last thing I heard was about shoes getting stolen or something. I asked em some questions, like where she said she was going, or if she left any notes, or if she was unhappy, or if her dad had called, or anything like that, but I remember them not answering my questions. They just said they were really worried about her, and that they had "no idea" why Funkmeister would have up and left.

Of course, after this I was hugely worried. I dug around everywhere tryin ta find any kinda journal posts that would tell me where she went, but nothing. I ended up freaking out until Funkmeister showed up again.

Thankfully, they never contacted me after that. I'm glad. I only got a touch of the crazy.

I'm sincerely glad they knew nothin about me when I came over there. I know they woulda manipulated that against me, and I was pretty gullible back then, particularly since some wounds were still kinda fresh.

THE END FINALLY THANK YOU THANK YOU

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