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Kat's Letters

I just recently got these letters, ie, october 2006. just for a sense of the timeframe and all that.


My name is Kat, and I actually emailed you once before a long while back, some time not to long after I left jens group by choice/complete meltdown. I havent really had the guts though to write anything until now, a day after my two year anniversary of having a mental breakdown and LEAVING. And actually, It was reading Mela's account of what went on (and remembering parts of it too!) thats given me courage. I in fact remember mela really well and though I was angry before because she was part of the group that hurt me...I find myself with no anger for her now. I actually back alot of what she says as true and i kinda empathize with her as well. Im glad shes out now too...

Anyway, I dont have too much to add to melas story, as mela summed things up nicely as to the condition of the house, jens feeding and spending habits and whatnot.

What I can add is a bit more on how she treated me personally.

I was, at least I felt, viewed as a source of income to jen and also as a guard type person. Meaning shed have me sit up till dawn alot of nights because she was afraid something horrible was going to happen and NOTHING EVER DID. Most nights in fact were quite lovely and calm, but extremely tiring because i wasnt getting much sleep anymore. Id sleep after it was light out and wake whenever jen would waltz into my room to either use my computer or wake me up to do whatever was my "duty". My health actually started to decline because of my lack of sleep. My job, incidentally, included going on alot of those pointless long drives mela spoke of. These would sometimes go on through the night into the early hours "hunting" things.

Now...one thing mela faintly touched on was how violent jen and anna/angel could be. Their fights would get so bad and so LOUD you could hear it on any of the three floors of the house, from behind two closed doors...three if you also counted mine. You could hear them hitting each other, screaming like they were on fire or something. And then there would be door slamming. or throwing things...threats to leave. Lots of different things. I still cant hear a door slam without it triggering memories. The fights would occasionally also be out in the open where bystanders could and would catch the brunt of either of their anger. And yet in the end, it would be shrugged off like nothing big had happened.

There was one occasion I remember very clearly were i was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was trying to get the hell out of there when jen spotted me. She stormed over and grabbed my upper left arm meat (and i mean the meat, not the whole arm, because it was like she was pulling it away and pinching it with her whole hand) and shook me very hard, screaming about not looking at her that way. I had a black and purple bruise the size of her hand that lasted for weeks and weeks before it fully healed.

Thankfully, that was the only physical violence that was directed at me, but both mela and another girl (who i wont mention in case she doesnt want to be harassed) got hit while i was there.

Jen would also just seem to randomly get angry and freak out for very small reasons. For example, we were about to leave on a trip to ghettysburg when jen found one of her ffavorite purple glass plates smashed on the ground. Now, jen treated these things like they were waterford crystal, but i suspect they werent much more than just very nice looking glass plates. NO ONE had seen what happened to make the plate fall but the house was a damn mess...it could have just gotten bumped by something and fell, or a cat could have knocked it over. Jen however took it to mean someone was working against her or SOMETHING like that and promptly had a fit, saying we werent going and she didnt feel well and when angel/anna tried to calm her down it went into full blown violence in the middle of the kitchen. Both myself and another girl were yelled at alot for not knowing what happened. and if i remember correctly we were sent to even get mela up so jen could freak out on her as well. We did end up going but not after ALOT of jen freaking out.

I know theres alot more i remember but im starting to get a headache so ill email you more eventually as it comes to me. Its fine to post this on the site if you like ^_^

Second Letter:

Hello again.

Yes, i know i just sent you an email XD but I very stupidly forgot to paste what I had tried to write you a long time ago. Its actually kind of creepy, how many scary parallels between what happened to me and what happened to you there are @_@ I also remembered a ton of crap the minute i laid down, hehe.

Anyway, I met Jen and angel/anna via my roomate at the time who had gone and hung out with them or something like that in state college, which was about 45 minutes from where she and i lived in altoona (for college). I could hear them hanging out in the living room and, in a brilliantly NOT VERY ME-LIKE moment, decided to be social. I should have stayed in my damn room.

They "identified" me as their Zack too. Thankfully, the experience didnt turn me off of being a fan of Zack ( i still am ^_^). Anyway, I was REALLY damn stupid at the time, and i was not doing well with my parents, my current roomate or a really long bout of depression i was in which got worse after my grandmother died. They seemed nice enough when i met them...and i was willing to j ust go along with all the stuff they talked about, because i was happy just to spend time out of my aparment. It was harmless fun, right? Id even sometimes joke around with my roomate/best friend at the time about it. I remember she got a big kick out of it at first. But things also dwindled with time between us, jen and angel slowly poisoning our relationship. Mind you....im not the type to get pulled into crap like this easily but they had sadly noticed the state i was in and hooked me nice and tight when i was as down as i had ever been. at least, at the time.

I also moved their stuff, along with mela's help, from their duplex into the big house, while jen and anna/angel did minimal work, and then none at all. Both mela and i sweated our brains out carrying all her crap down really narrow stairs, into a u-haul, and driving god knows how many times across town taking it to the house. alot of it never even got unpacked in the months i lived there!!! Thankfully, i did not have any scary experiences with jens "personal items". just lots of molded food, cat crap and stains of unknown origin. I dont know how that place was before they moved in but it was SCARY AS HELL when i first visited. The whole place was just effin surreal. And messy. Oh god, the messiness...*twitch* I can deal with some mess of the clothing-on-the-floor-and-a-few-papers variety. but this was FOOD mess. This was uncleaned litterbox mess...and GOD knows what else. Jen claimed the duplex had been inhabited by vampires before and when they moved in there was blood everywhere. I sometimes wonder if that would have been an improvement over the condition things were in when i was there.

Either way, like you, i figured i should be the best houseguest and eventually, the best roomate i could be because they were kind enough to take me in. PFFT. That worked out REAL well. They, in the end, weaseled thousands of dollars from both me and my parents (in the form of a joint credit card that was supposed to be an emergency back up). Half of my damned college fund was GONE by the time i left. And when I started noticing how bad it was getting...jen pressured me even more for money. I tried to get a job as well, which sadly failed. there were nights where i would lay crying in bed because i didnt know WHAT the hell jen would do to me if i didnt get money to give her. I even tried to give back the money my parents would give me because i was so sick of taking from them even if they were willing to give me it because i was so scared. But jen took that too in the end.

Jen would watch me as well on the computer, but it sounds like alot less in my case...i couldnt have a journal they didnt watch however...and so my journals too became something brainwashed and not me anymore. Theyd also listen to me on my cell phone. though near the end, i finally was able to tell my dad, in tears, how terrified i was and how badly i wanted out. i left only a few days later, having snapped and freaking out, gathering up whatever i could into my red station wagon and hauling ass out of there, steering my way home on auto-pilot while i muttered alot and probably swore even more.

I was lucky in that i actually had my car there and thus in the end had a means of escape. It also meant more staying up nights patrolling but those at least got me out of the house and usually alone so i could have a moments peace. hell, i started smoking just as a way to get the hell out of the house for a few moments...and im asthmatic!

I was also the "brawn" of the group, carrying heavy things, moving crap, doing things appropriate to my standing in the house. I didnt mind this so much, as i felt at the time i was at least useful. And not until later did i figure out what all i was being used for. A tad too late, sadly. Ive got too many lasting effects from my time there >_<

I dont know what the current situation is, or where they are (which worries me a little as i like to know where the fark they are cause they know where i live.) though the last i heard they were off in Arizona or something to that end.

Im sorry this is all thrown together so sloppily. But alot of my memories are so scrambled from then that its hard to really organize them. More later! Feel free to use whatever parts of this you want on the site. And thanks for listening/reading.

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