A Public Warning: FF7 Fandom

Jen's Bio of Herself

(This is a biography Jen put of herself online. She will firmly tell anyone that all of these things are true, and I don't think I need to tell you how batshit such claims are. This gives a good peek into how crazy she is. Also, this is from a friends locked post that the INTERNET DETECTIVES hunted up, so there's no reference for it. Jen promptly deleted it once it appeared here as well, along with her Livejournal in a fit of "DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING!" It's cool if you believe it is fake, I honestly can't prove it otherwise. :v)

I keep reading the entries on my friends' list, and everyone has normal seeming lives. I almost don't want to write about mine because it... well, seems so stupid and unbelievable and weird. I don't know what to say anymore, I mean, I don't talk about this normally, and LJ is supposed to be a place to vent. But I'm self conscious even here.

Hi, my name is Jen, and I help rehabilitate vampires and assist in spiritual awakenings. I also take care of metaphysical emergencies and, oh yeah, I do exorcisims and banishings too. I'm quite versed in ancient ritual and I often use my own blood to seal spells. I'm not catholic, but I'm not wiccan. God talks to me and tells me that the end of the world is at hand, she says. I'm married to Metatron and, oh yes, I'm the physical embodiment of the angel Uriel. In past lives I've been Integra van Helsing, Sephiroth, and Dilandau Albatou, amongst others. I've been to many theripists, but they all keep telling me I'm okay. Aside from catholic priests wanting to exorcise my house and my husband, things are pretty normal. Unless you count having 20 some kids live in the mental realm that my husband and I share as NOT normal...

I swordfight and sing and play the harp and get into fights with real life Iscariots and I have 3 people on this earth that would lay down and die for me, oh, and they're angels, too. I'm a horrible bitch and feared in several parts of the galaxy... and in Vatican City. All my past selves live in my head, as well, and I can summon them up when I need them. I don't slay vampires, I hunt them. *ahem*

Slayer- One who killes vampires, often indiscriminately, to "purify" the Earth. (ex: Buffy Summers.)

Hunter- One who studies vampires, hunts them down and wrings information from them, seldom killing unless it's necessary for a community and/or family. Often referred to as a "Watcher". (ex: Abraham van Helsing)

I am trained with the sword, the staff, the long bow, the crossbow, throwing daggers, and the most deadly of all, the towel. I play the harp, the piano, the pipe organ, several woodwinds, and I'm learning bodhran. Violin is next. I sing, I do celtic, modern, ritual and sword dancing, and I'm training to be the next soprano sorceress.

Famous people I'm related to; Finn MacChumhal (McCool),Morgan LeFaye, and Bram Stoker. And when I was a little girl I told everyone as the hick highschool I was in for 2 months that I was related to Joey Lawrence. Don't ask me why.

I've been asked if I was Jennifer Lopez (NO clue about that one), and I'm known at Disneyland as "Indy Anna Jen", the girl who gives Temple Tours for free, because "tourists" are always getting lost. I can't go to Hollywood because I get chased by people who think I'm famous. God damn advice... "Walk like you own the place." Given to me by a security guard who let me on the set of "Anaconda", a particulary "craptacular" movie, or so I've heard. If you've seen it, you know that big waterfall? Yep, I was on top of that. and that old riverboat.

I think I'm particulary ugly, and unlikable. I'm not sure why people like me, but some seem to.

I have no father, and my mother isn't human. My crazy Uncle Michael works for MI-5, and my Best guy friend was created in a super secret laboratory in Glendale, California, and "born" in the same hospital I was in Pasadena, which leads us both to believe that I might be part of the same "project". My husband, by the way, besides being Metatron, is also a No Life King. Not a nosferatu, no, but an echthros. And a mad scientist. And an Emperor. And a Priest.

Oh,and another confession. I'm Enrico Maxwell. That's right. I am a twitching, bishounen, jerk of a priest. Now, little boy, do you want to confess to me?

Rip van Winkle, AKA Riven Millenium, AKA Rivenna Josefine Kratsenburg, she's my disassociated sex drive. If you want to flirt with me, message her, because sex, to me, is... unnecessary and useful only for breeding purposes. Unless you catch me on the right day and you're an iscariot, and then... well, a little demon talk, some red wine and then you can probably sack me.

So there you go, a little sum up of me. Call me crazy, call me nuts, run away from me, or vice versa.

I really want these panic attacks to go AWAY. And sleep would be nice. While I'm at it, I wish I had a pony.

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