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Astraea's Advice If This Has Happened To You Soulbonding and multiplicity are not insanity. But they are also NO excuse for irresponsible, manipulative, or "drama" behavior. I do not know Jen, Del, or Angel personally, and I do not know that any of the allegations made in the articles on these pages are true. I do know that some people behave in the manner described on this website -- people who are neither multiples nor soulbonders. This is a behavior pattern which can be found in many situations in everyday life -- religion, business, school, creative arts. This kind of thing DOES HAPPEN, and if it has happened to you, it is important for you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I was subjected to it about nine years ago, and I still carry the emotional scars from it -- enough that what I read on this website brought it all back. Watch out for people who set themselves up as uberspecial, told you you were uberspecial too, and they can help you realize your full potential. She (I'll say "she" but there are men who do this too) may have portrayed herself as the only one who could understand you. The one who had the answers to why you always felt different, left out or just something a little bit off in your life. She might give you a new name and identity. She might say "we knew each other in a past life," "you have great magical/psychic talents which I can help you develop," "someone is in trouble and you can help them," or claim to know something about you that you don't know. Flattery is always the key. First she's all affectionate and friendly toward you but then as time goes on she becomes cold and demanding of your time and especially $. What appear at first to be unconditional love and respect become VERY conditional. For instance, she may insist that you behave according to the identity she has assigned you. She may tell you this is all for your own good. Watch out for the 3 a.m. phone calls, any feeling you have that says "this is beginning to feel like too much" and they insist it's all part of "friendship", or of your "training". Or that there are terrible things going on and you can help save the world... or even save or help one other person. Watch out for double binds, like telling you you have to have more self-esteem and then when you do they slap you down for arrogance. Watch out for demands that you quit your job, that your loved ones aren't important, and that it's vital for you to move in with your "real friends" immediately. Oh, yes, "we're your only real friends.." Watch out for trance logic, which is a kind of extreme departure from everyday reality and a demand that you suspend your critical judgement, accepting only what you are told no matter how unreasonable it may seem. (President Bush is using trance logic when he says America "won" in Iraq, yet American soldiers are still fighting there.) Watch out for crediting events -- be they an unexpected raise at work or a flat tire -- to magic or ESP when you know that what happened is simply an ordinary event. You do not have to be hypnotized to be affected by trance logic. Feelings of being scared, disturbed, anxious or as if this just isn't right may be characterised as always your fault, caused by some hangup or failure of character on your part.. Or it's because of entities, if that's part of the group dogma. It's never because you might actually have a legitimate reason to feel that way. Such situations are generally centered around one person. There may be a group involved, several of whom may be manipulative to some degree, but there's always one person who's the focus of it all; without that person, it would all fall apart. Everything revolves around this person; whether or not she is happy or miserable, has what she needs or wants, is being served properly by other people. She may expect others to do all the routine house tasks such as cooking and cleaning, or she may put great energy into doing them efficiently herself, showing that she is capable of exerting herself a GREAT deal more than you are, so that your efforts seem trivial by comparison. Often, there is a sexual focus; the people in these groups may be more than just friends. The leader might demand intimacy as the price of his or her favor (Men are not the only ones who do this, by any means!). There may also be a certain degree of physical intimidation - and again, men aren't the only ones who do this. This person will frequently brag about how good they are at everything (regardless of whether or not they're that good at it), lie or exaggerate about their accomplishments, and/or claim to have abilities or knowledge no one else in the group has, which entitle them to call the shots or judge things more accurately. Often there's a subtle or obvious message that if you devote your lives to them, they can teach you to do these things too, or be as good at them as this person is. No matter how good you get at anything, though, the leader will keep upping the ante -- as soon as you can do something too, it becomes "oh, big deal" and they'll come out with some new story about an amazing ability they never revealed they had before. Interestingly, often these abilities are ones they can't reliably demonstrate or replicate, or things that can be easily faked. The one ability they are likely to really have is cold reading -- the skill of reading people from body language, tone of voice, breath patterns, eye reflexes, etc. This can seem like psychic sensitivity when it isn't. Or they may have picked up some sleight-of-hand parlor tricks and are passing them off as psychic powers. There are people who just have high self-esteem and talk about their accomplishments as a routine thing, tell you that you can achieve wonderful things too, and it's only an attitude -- they are not trying to get you. All I can say is that it's a feeling, it's a pattern, and the minute you sense anything wrong, disconnect from those people and don't answer the phone. If you have ever been in such a situation, you will most likely recognize it in the future. To the people that have had this happen. I want for you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Often, people in this situation think nobody would believe them, or that everybody else thinks this guy or girl is nice and would never do a nasty thing. You need to know that you are NOT ALONE. It's vital that you know you are not the only one who has been through such a situation; it is vital that you know this does not make you "stupid" or foolish. You are ALSO likely not the only one who is put off, frightened or disgusted by this person's actions. Others may simply be too afraid to say anything. It can seem like "everybody loves" them, and "who'd believe me?" Also, you may think "this doesn't apply to me" or "it's not that bad". She may do some very kind, generous, helpful things -- there may be a lot of nice things about her, but that does not mean your experience or feelings are wrong. Many people are afraid to get away from somebody like this in case she really has powers and can do you harm. The chances are that she does NOT. If she did, she would not have to lure people in and take their time, money and energy in such a manipulative fashion. She does not have the power of life and death over you, even if she tells you very convincingly that she does. Even if she tells you things about yourself that you know or suspect to be correct, that does not mean she is right about everything and that you need to spend the rest of your life living with and working for her. If she does have any sort of magic or psychic powers, there are many things you can do to shield yourself in case she tries something. Since a lot of magic is psychological, find something she dislikes and carry it with you, or put it in your "shields". But one sure way to stop anything she might throw at you from affecting you is simply not to believe that she has any powers. Even if magic is real, even if there is such a thing as ESP, it is unlikely that she has it. Again, if she did, she wouldn't have to do what she does to people. Real magic and psychic things do not involve manipulation, scare tactics, leeching off others' income or using the physical energy of others to support his or her lifestyle. For those who think they're safe because they've never believed in magic, "outgrew their pagan phase in grade school", or think that only losers would get "suckered" into this type of situation: Do not necessarily assume you are "safe". Read the story of Usa, which is linked from this website. Someone can take over your life with emotional abuse and mind-control tactics with only perfectly 'everyday' events involved. A lot of abusive relationships start this way. The thing to watch out for is the behavior patterns -- increasingly unreasonable requests passed off as signs of friendship and devotion, double standards, requiring more and more of your time -- not any specific belief system. A Word About Tarot Cards I have been reading tarot cards since I was barely out of junior high and I read professionally today. I have no psychic powers and am not involved in any kind of magickal system. I am told that my readings make sense, which is the highest praise I want. I believe it has to do with the symbolism of the tarot relating to common, everyday life experiences which everyone is likely to have. If you are worried about her tarot readings, you would do well to get a couple of books on tarot (I recommend the ones by Eden Grey but there are many others) and discover exactly what can and cannot be read with a tarot deck. ANYONE can read tarot; it does not require ESP or supernatural gifts of any kind. I have had several clients ask me if the card representing the outcome shows an unchangeable future. No tarot reading can predict future events that are inexorable, carved in stone or unchangeable. The future is changing constantly and cannot be predicted with any sort of consistency. What an outcome card does is show you what is likely to happen if you proceed on your present course. You still have control of your life. Concerning Multiplicity, Otherkin and Soulbonding I am a member of a multiple system. [You could link "multiple system" to http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/faq.shtml if you think it would be appropriate.] I am also a soulbonder. In writing this article, I feel that we owe it to ourselves, as well as to our friends from other times and places, to present ourselves as what we are, without pretense or covering. If you don't believe in multiplicity or soulbonding, that is your choice; it's our personal experience, something we can't prove. I would be the first to agree that claiming to be these things is net-trendy in the early 2000s. Many of the ones you will meet online are probably just young people experimenting with lifestyle choices. However, many serious people experience multiplicity, soulbonding, or (especially) being otherkin as completely real, often a very personal thing. These are not spectator sports for the entertainment and adulation of others. They are not signs of intellectual, emotional, creative, or moral superiority. They are subjective experiences, exactly like a Christian's belief that "Jesus dwells in my heart", or the many people of all faiths who believe they have experienced miracles or had their prayers answered. The internet buzzword "soulbonding" inaccurately defines an experience which has been described by writers from Robert Louis Stevenson to Edith Wharton and Ursula LeGuin. Their characters were presences who talked to them, were even demanding and persistent that their stories should be written. As to the matter of characters "fronting" or taking over one's body, Charles Dickens reportedly had this experience, and so did Eleanor Farjeon (author of the hymn "Morning Has Broken"). People in previous generations who felt their spirits were really animals or mythological beings had little they could do about it, other than to wish they were Indians. I once knew an elderly white woman who was otherkin all her life without knowing that anyone else ever felt that way or that there was a name for it. It was a deeply personal experience to her, almost a holy thing, kept very much to herself. I think she was extremely wise. Confiding such things in others should be done with discretion. It is not something to be flaunted. If you do choose to tell other people, it's tempting to add disclaimers, to pay lip service to the dominant culture; to say that you don't "take it too seriously" and that you "know you are insane". But if you really believe you are plural, otherkin or a soulbonder, try not to denigrate it, to be crude or flippant; that disrespects you, as well as the experience. Bluejay Young, Astraea
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